i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
