wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
