she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
