Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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