Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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