I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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