your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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