dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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