I think im going to throw up on grandma
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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