my phone cant type all the emotion im having
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
