this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
