speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
