college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
