Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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