This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
