She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
