i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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