No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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