so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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