Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
