No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
