The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize