it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm both gender and math confused
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
