just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
