I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
