I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
