She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize