Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
