Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My balls are so social today.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize