she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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