I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
