you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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