Moan for me like Helen Keller
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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