the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
