We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
