She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
