i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize