I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
