i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
