After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
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I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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