I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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