We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
