All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
