you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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