Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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