Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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