note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
