I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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