God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize