Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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