I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
