I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
