why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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