thus making me awesome and them whores
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
