Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
