Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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