my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
