I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You ate ashes out of my bong
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
