He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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