alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
