What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
