New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Text me some of your sweat
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
