so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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