he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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