I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
