The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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