I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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