ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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