I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
