you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
