stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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