4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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