Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
