I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
