Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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