There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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