no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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