in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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