Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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