this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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