My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i think i just lost a toe
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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