my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
