I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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