i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
