The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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