went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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