I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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