so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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