I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
