I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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