She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize