Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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