I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You are a genius and a whore.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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