Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
