Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
