we're chasing vodka with high fives
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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